When Good Chocobos Go Bad
by Kas Kar ACE
Summary: Tidus' first trip on a chocobo is difficult, at best. What happens when the rest of the group tries it too?PG13 for no real reason.


A.N.  
  
Ok, I am once again giving myself a tiny break from Through My Eyes, and writing another one shot thing. Hope you enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Lalalala, I'm not listening! Not listening! Lalala!

* * *

Tidus looked apprehensively at the big, fluffy, yellow chicken in front of him. They wanted him to ride a farm animal. And in the Mi-ihen Highroad too, where there was a tone of people. That was so typically them. He glared at his fellow guardians who were standing around him and Big Bird, encouraging him to mount the chocobo.  
  
"Why do I have to do it?" he sighed.  
  
Wakka grinned. "Cause we want to know how hard it is before we put Yuna on one, ya?" he said.  
  
"You mean none of you have ever ridden a chocobo?" Tidus said in exasperation.  
  
The guardians all shook their heads. "But you live here!" Tidus said.  
  
"And most of us have spent most of our lives in Besaid, where chocobos are not at all common," explained Lulu in her usual calm voice.  
  
"So you make me do it, when I've never even seen one before?" Tidus said incredulously.  
  
Once again, the guardians all nodded their heads. Tidus gave Yuna a pleading look. Yuna smiled weakly at him, and looked sympathetic, but didn't attempt to make them let him off, as she had already tried, and failed.  
  
"Well, it can't be any different than riding a horse, right?" he thought to himself.  
  
Tidus jumped up and attempted to swing one leg over the chocobo's back. Unfortunately, the chocobo had no saddle, unlike a horse, so as Tidus managed to swing his leg over the chocobo, he over-shot, and landed face- down in the dirt.  
  
The guardians and Yuna exploded with laughter. "Nice one brudda!" Wakka said between guffaws.  
  
"Try it again," Lulu said. Tidus looked at her from the ground and shook his head. No way was he gonna try that again.  
  
But to his utter dismay, he felt Kimahri grab him by his shirt collar and lift him to his feet.  
  
"Lulu say Tidus try again. Tidus try again," Kimahri said, holding Tidus where he could see every one of Kimahri's rather sharp teeth.  
  
"Oh what was I thinking? Of course I'll try again," Tidus said, scrambling over to the chocobo.  
  
It took three more attempts before he managed to stay on the chocobo. By then, he was coated in dirt, everyone that saw had already laughed themselves practically into a coma, and his butt was sore.  
  
"You know, where I come from, we eat things like you," he whispered to the chocobo.  
  
"Wark!" the chocobo exclaimed, as it took off, with Tidus on it's back.  
  
"Arrrg!" Tidus screamed, as the chocobo made straight for the brushes.  
  
It ran through the tall grass in a straight line, with Tidus getting whipped on the face by tall grass and thorns. Just then, as Tidus thought things could get no worse, the chocobo picked up speed.  
  
Tidus looked up through the grass, and promptly freaked out. The chocobo was heading straight for an enormous redwood tree!  
  
"Oooohhh, myyyyy Gooood!" Tidus screamed as the already huge tree seemed to enlarge by leaps and bounds as they approached it.  
  
He was thinking about how he wanted to be sent, when as they were about a foot away from the tree, the chocobo stopped.  
  
Tidus flew over the enormous chicken's head, and went headfirst, right into the tree truck. After that, he promptly blacked out.  
  
He awoke to everyone bending over him. "Are you ok?" Yuna said, touching his forehead.  
  
He groaned in response. Yuna had to have used a Cure on him, otherwise he was pretty sure his brains would have been too scrambled to make any noise what-so-ever.  
  
When he finally got his head around speaking, he looked at Yuna. "I think we better walk," he said.

* * *

As the group walked into the Calm Lands, they saw Maechen, who proceeded to give them a history lesson on the Calm Lands at Yuna's request.  
  
Tidus tried to pay attention to what the old scholar was saying, but his attention wandered. In the distance, he saw several dozen somethings that he couldn't identify.  
  
Soon the old man finished, and the group went on. Suddenly, Tidus felt his blood pressure rise as he realized what those yellow things in the distance were. His mortal enemies. Chocobos.  
  
As they looked at his expression, everyone save Rikku chuckled. "What's so funny?" she asked curiously.  
  
"Tidus has a...special reason to not be fond of chocobos," Lulu explained, her lips twitching as she attempted to control her smile.  
  
"Why?" Rikku said.  
  
"The first time he tried to ride one, he got in an accident that nearly addled his brains," Auron said.  
  
"More so than usual, you mean?" Rikku snickered. Tidus shot her a death glare as everyone laughed at him.  
  
"Why me?" he thought. Out-loud he said, "That chocobo was smart! It knew exactly what it was doing! It was trying to kill me! Their dangerous animals!"  
  
"You know what I think? I think we should all give riding chocobos a whirl, just so Tidus can know that he's being weird, ya," Wakka said, grinning whole-heartedly at Tidus.  
  
"No! Guys you don't get it! You'll all be killed! Those birds, their evil! They..." Tidus said, right before Lulu cut him off.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. Chocobos are harmless creatures that help people do what they need to do," Lulu said sharply.  
  
Tidus sighed and watched as his friends went over to the chocobo trainer and asked to ride some.  
  
Then the trouble began. Lulu had trouble maneuvering her dress over the chocobo, even when riding side-saddle, annoying the bird, therefore every time she got off, to adjust her dress, the chocobo would run to the other side of the field, causing Lulu to have to run after it.  
  
Auron's huge coat and sword weighed him down, causing him to fall off while attempting to mount even more than Tidus did. And every time he managed to get mounted, the chocobo would bend over, causing the man to fall off all over again.  
  
Wakka didn't even get on his chocobo before it started trying to mow him down. Apparently, his hair offended the creature, and as such, it was now chasing him all over the Calm Lands .  
  
Kimahri's chocobo was cowering in mortal terror of him, making it impossible for him to mount at all.  
  
Yuna's chocobo, having sensed that it's rider was gentle and would not take control of it for fear of wounding it, was running willy-nilly around the Calm Lands, causing Yuna to scream in abject horror.  
  
Rikku's chocobo kept eating the grass, even when Rikku was kicking it savagely to get it to move.  
  
Tidus watched all this with amusement. Suddenly, he felt something tugging at his sleeve. He looked up and saw a chocobo, begging to be stroked.  
  
He hesitated, then complied with the fluffy animal's wishes, all while thinking, "Now this, my friends, is karma."

* * *

A.N.  
  
_Snicker_ That was amusing to write. Once again, my friends, do not flame, or else the chocobos will get you. I hope it amused you, made you smile, made you laugh, whatever.  
  
Huggles to all, and to all, a good night.


End file.
